Bar Exam - Take Two

It’s late Saturday evening and I start to get a runny nose. At first I do not think anything of it, but as the evening progresses into night it gets worse. By the end of the night I can tell I am getting sick. The timing could not be worse. I am a week and two days away from taking the bar exam, and I have one more week of intense study I need to accomplish. I wake up Sunday so sick that all I want to do is sleep. —fatigue, headache, runny nose. I end up missing church Sunday, which kind of freak’s me out. Going to church is my solace, my reprieve from studying, and a spiritual uplifting.

The week turns out to be a struggle. I am sick all week. I end up sleeping, studying, sleeping each day for an entire week. I fall behind in my studying, not too much, but enough to cause me concern. On Sunday I am still sick, but go to church—sick or not I need spiritual nourishment. Later that evening my home teachers come and give me a blessing and anointing. The blessing was exactly what I needed to help clear my mind and get me through the next few days.

When I wake up the next morning my mind is clear, my head does not hurt, and I feel less fatigued. I can actually think and study without sleeping. Although I am still sick, I am able to focus on one last subject before leaving to take the exam. Later that evening I arrive at my hotel room, and my roommate is already there studying. We catch up on life, and review a few concepts. As we talked I shared this scripture with her “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” (John14:26) This scripture means everything to me. It is why I am writing this today. That night shortly before going to bed I had a thought to look up the business judgment rule (BJR). At some point either that night or in the morning I looked it up, and I memorized it. Just a few hours later I ended up needing it.

For two-days I took the worst exam in the world—for a second time. It was gross, there were things I did not know exactly, but knew a little, and some things I did not know at all. One thing I knew for certain was the BJR. While I took the exam, I was still sick. I had to take cough drops, and blow my nose. However, I was not tired (not until it was over), and I had a clear mind. Things were brought to my conscience that amazed me I could recall. It was like the scripture said the holy ghost brought “things to [my] remembrance.”

I left the exam exhausted, and pretty sure I did not pass. In fact, for about a week if you asked me I would have told you I did not pass. However, this is how we lose our faith and become discouraged, when we lose hope. I did a turnabout, and instead just let others know I do not know how I did, but I am hopeful. Next week the results are supposed to come out. I am still not sure what the results will be, but I am hopeful. Hopeful I passed, and hopeful I can practice law in Nebraska soon.

What if I do not pass? I am currently licensed to practice law in Iowa, and will begin looking for a job there. However, I am eligible to work in seventeen other states, and will look jobs in those states as well. I am not going to retake the bar. I am an attorney now, and I can practice law, which is part of my dream being realized. Pass or fail I know that heavenly father helped me that day, I know he guided me, and I know he brought thing to “my remembrance.” If I did not pass, well . . . it just was not meant to be, because he was there with me every step of the way.

It Was Not Easy

In 47 days I will graduate from law school. Although it has gone by fast, in some way sit seems so long ago that I started--my first year of school seems like a distant memory. The journey has been a lot harder than I expected. There has been a lot of lost sleep, stress, and lonely times. As a single mom law school can be an isolating an experience. When you are not studying, you are attending your child's activities, and caring for your family. This includes cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and general upkeep of the house, oh and don't forget the carpooling, school events, parent teacher conferences, committees you volunteer on, late nights as your child does their homework, and late nights listening to your child--trying to be a good parent. There have been many times I have jokingly said I would like to have a wife, just so I could have time to do a few of the things I enjoy the most. Law school is about sacrifices, and both my daughter and I have made many sacrifices along the way.

No, it has not been easy. I have had people belittle me, talk about me behind my back. make fun of me, and criticize me in some very malicious ways. It has made for a very hard, lonely road at times. However, along this lonely journey I have come to know some really great people who have helped me along the way. There was the home teacher and his wife that supported and cared for my daughter and I, giving us someone to turn to when we needed it most. The best friend at school who stood by my side during some of the toughest times. The "Angel" who gave my daughter the cutest clothes when she learned my daughter had out grown her clothes, and I had no way to provide her with new ones. The professor who took the extra step of listening, in a week when the whole world seemed to be crushing down, not only listening, but taking action to help. The professor who rallied the staff to stand behind one of their own, a feat I will never forget, Finally, there was the community of lawyers who saw a need and reached out and helped someone they did not know.

Law school has not been easy, in fact it has probably been one of the most difficult things I have done to date. But I would not change a thing. This experience has caused me to grow, to stretch, and become a new person--one I hope that will succeed in helping others. No, it was not easy, but in the long-run it will be worth it.