Does it Need to Be Inevitable?

Yesterday, I went for a mountain bike ride for the first time in Iowa. The trail was fun, flowy and fast. It intertwined with other trails making it difficult for me to know where I was going or how to get back to my car. Eventually after a third conversation with some mountain bikers I was pointed in the right direction and heading back on a fun downhill towards my car.

Being a new trail, I wasn’t screaming down the trail, but I was going fairly fast. As flew down the trail I came to what appeared to be a regular turn—it wasn’t.  Just as I got to the top of the turn, I saw three large root drops through the entire turn. There is that moment in mountain biking when you know you are going to crash, and there is nothing you can do but hope it turns out well, and not horribly bad. This was one of those moments. I slowed down as much as possible and went in to the turn very haphazardly. I almost made it, but then I got bucked from my bike spilling over the top tube, and part of my handle bars off to the side. I started to put my hands out to catch me, and realized that was not a good idea, so luckily, I buckled them as I went to the ground. I ended up landing on both knees.  

Down on the ground I pause for a moment assessing just how bad I was hurt. I rolled over and sat feeling pain surging through my knees and my body. I knew the injuries from this crash were going to stay with me for a while.

I gingerly got on my bike, and continued on down the trail eventually making it to my car. The pain was real, and there was a lot of wincing as I drove home. My obvious injuries, the ones you could see, were to my knees and legs—scrapes, swelling and bruises. Although these injuries hurt, and cause me to wince; what hurts the most is what you can’t see. Somehow the entire right side of my body took the brunt of the accident. My shoulder, ribs and neck also got injured. You can’t see the injury, but I can feel it. I can hardly lift my arm, it hurts to laugh, quick movements are not possible, and looking up or turning my head is painful. Sleeping last night was somewhat a struggle due to the pain.

Last night as I perused Facebook, I noticed several posts regarding suicide. It brought up past memories I prefer to leave in the past, but as I saw some of the posts, I realized perhaps sharing my experience maybe would help others.

A week after my birthday, and two weeks before I had my first child my mom took her life. We were not close, but it affected me and tore me apart for a period of time. She did not do it in the manner most women take their life. No, she got a gun and killed herself. The day she killed herself she called and talked to me on the phone. To my knowledge I am the only person she talked to before she took her life. I had no idea of what she was planning, but I often wondered if I could have done or said something different in that conversation that would have changed her mind. I know now there was nothing I could have done or said at that time. Sometimes we cannot stop what for another seems to be the inevitable. But we can hopefully make a difference or provide them with hope so maybe it will not be the inevitable action they need to take.

Today, when you look at me, you can see the scrapes, the bruises, and the marks from my mountain bike ride. What you cannot see is what is causing the most pain. Those injuries are deep, those injuries hurt the most, and kept me up most of the night. With time the pain will dissipate, and I will be hundred percent, but it will take me caring for myself, and if necessary, applying or getting the right treatment for my injuries.

Emotional injuries are not much different. A person can look fine from the outside and be deep in pain on the inside. Just like with the physical injuries from my mountain bike accident emotional pain needs to be treated. We cannot stop the pain of another, but we can help. It does not need to be great actions. It can be a simple smile, a “how is your day”, a phone call, a text, just taking a pause to notice that person, to let them know you know they exist, a simple “hi”.  Just in the case of my mom, or my crash, you may not be able to stop the inevitable, but maybe, just maybe you can detain it so they can get the help to make the pain dissipate and go away.

Barbara Jean Griffey Hook 

November 1, 1938 - June 20, 1990

Beginning to End

Heavenly Father knows the beginning to the end. He has a plan for us, and is involved in the very intricate details of our life.

When I think of God helping us, and having a plan for us I think of the poem Footprints. To summarize a man is looking back on his life, and he sees two sets of footprints in the sand, one is his, and the other is Gods. As he looks he notices during times of struggle there is only one set of footprints. He turns to God and asks him why he left him during his most challenging times, and God replies. "I did not leave you, I carried you."

God is not only with us during the challenging times he is there before the challenging times begin. He has a plan, and he is making sure we are taken care of.

At the beginning of July, I received a phone message from the Sister Missionaries, letting me know I was invited, along with them, to see a my church friend Steve take out his endowments on July 13th. They were wondering if I could give them a ride to the temple. I had a trial scheduled for July 15th, and was worried I would not have time to prepare for trial--typically I spend most of my Saturday in trial prep. I decided I would go, and I would find a way to get everything done earlier in the week so I would only have to work half a day on Saturday.

The Sunday following the Sister Missionaries phone call,  I received a text from them letting me know Steve had decided to go to the Nauvoo temple to take out his endowments, instead of the Winter Headquarters temple. This changed everything. It added an extra three hours to the entire trip. If I took them I would not be able to work on my trial on Saturday. I knew I was supposed to go, so I told them I would take them, and we would go to the pageant too. I gave the caveat if  things needed to change I would let them know by Monday evening. There was no doubt in my mind I would take them. I knew this was what Heavenly Father wanted, so I planned accordingly.

I asked friends and family members to pray my trial would get changed or dismissed. I also asked them to pray I would be able to get everything done I needed. Not only did I have a trial coming up, but I had two hearings, and a deposition--which meant most of my week was eaten up. My plan was to work every night until 11 pm if necessary, so I would not have to worry about prepping for my trial.

On Tuesday as I was finishing up the last preparations for my afternoon deposition I received a phone call from the county prosecutor cancelling the deposition. We then reached an agreement that moved the trial with the charges eventually getting dismissed! My prayers were answered. Now all that was on my plate were the hearings on Wednesday which would not prevent me from taking the Sister Missionaries to Nauvoo. Things were working great.

On Thursday, two days before I was to go to Nauvoo, I received information that brought me great sorrow, and many, many tears. When I was alone the tears came easily. When I was people I was able to ward them off for the most part. But Heavenly Father had a plan.

Friday evening after work I fed the sister missionaries, and then spent the rest of the night making preparations for food to take to Nauvoo. My Saturday began at about 5:00 am. I was with the sister missionaries until 2:30 am the next day. We spent the next 10 hours traveling, singing, going to the temple, and seeing the sights at Nauvoo. I had some very personal spiritual experiences, and felt peace and love from my Heavenly Father. I was not alone, and tears were much less than if I had been.

When I agreed to take the sister missionaries to Nauvoo I thought it was to help them, but it turns out Heavenly Father knew better. He knew the sorrow I was going to be faced with. He knew I needed to be with people, to not be alone, and he put that plan into action in the early part of July, long before the events that brought me sorrow came to fruition. Heavenly Father made sure I was not alone that weekend.

Recently I came across this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Somehow God can focus on every one of us personally, know the concerns and fears of each one of us uniquely. In those times of our need, it is as if no other voice distracts Him, no other need in the universe diverts Him. In those moments when we especially need Him, in times of trouble or otherwise, we are seemingly the sole object of His affection and attention." 

Not only are we the sole object of his affection and attention during times of trouble, he is there prior to those time--he is there always. Each of us are children of our Heavenly Father, and he has a plan for each of us. He knows the beginning to the end, and we just need to have the faith to move forward and trust in that plan. By doing so we will find a love that is incomprehensible.

Fear - What is it Keeping You From?

Fear is not easy to overcome, but when we do we get to experience life at its fullest.

Fear kept me from building friendships and opening up for the longest time to more than just a select few. Believe it or not it also kept me from riding my bike.

I like people; I love people, but showing that can be difficult. For many years I kept myself at a protective distance not letting others in, typically only opening up when prompted, or after trust had been established. This year I made an effort to become more open allowing others into my life. It is still a work in progress, and recently because I was afraid, I missed letting someone know what a great best friend that person was to me. I regret not saying anything. Sometimes fear creates missed opportunities and growth.

A few weeks ago, while in Utah, I rode my bike up to Squaw Peak. It is a 4 mile climb, with a 2, 023 elevation gain, and a killer grade the last 1/2 mile--I think it is a 13% grade.

The last time I did this ride was 2013. For six years I have been too afraid to attempt this ride! There were many reasons why, but fear of not getting to the top is essentially what stopped me.

July 6 of this year I decided my fear was no longer going to keep me from this ride. I was scared, but I was not going to let my fear stop me. I took off that morning on a solo ride to the top.

It was tough, I plugged along one pedal stroke at a time eventually making it to the top exhausted, spent, shaking and elated I had made the climb. The view was beautiful! To think I had missed out on this for the last six years.

How often do we let our fears keep us from moving forward? How often do we have missed opportunities, and miss out on the beauty of life and the spectacular view because we let our fear hold us back?

I missed an opportunity in one situation because of fear, but in another I overcame my fear, and experienced a wonderful view as well as a sense of accomplishment. So do not let your fear stop you, you do not want to miss out on life and all of its spectacular views.

We Were Not Meant to do it Alone

For anyone that has read this blog, or knows me, you know I love to ride bikes. I often joke riding a bike is my Prozac. It brings peace to my soul, it energizes me, and I often get great thoughts when riding my bike.

When I lived in Utah I would ride by myself, and with some very close friends. It was nice, because there always seemed someone available to go for a ride. Since leaving Utah the majority of my rides have been by myself. These rides are great, and help me with a lot of introspection.

Recently I went to Utah for a few days, and got to ride with two of my best friends. One day was a classic ride up South Fork with one best friend. The next day was a new ride in Mapleton with another best friend. However, there was a lot on my mind I needed to sort out, and I felt I needed to go for a ride by myself. I felt like I needed alone time. This is what I do at home. I pound on the bike, work out the excess energy, and process everything that is currently going on in my life. It works.

The plan  was for me to ride alone early in the morning, and then later go for a short mountain bike ride on the fat bikes with my best friend. I woke up relatively early for vacation, and proceeded to ride. As I was riding I kept feeling like I needed to turn around, and go back and ride with my best friend. But I kept going. The feeling came to me again, but I kept riding. Then the thought came to me "you did not come to Utah to ride alone; you can ride alone at home." I continued to ride. The feeling continued, and got stronger, along with the thoughts. I knew I needed to turn around, so I did. (All of this occurred within 5 miles).

As soon as I turned around and rode back the thought came to me "God does not want you to do it alone."

Heavenly Father wants you not only to turn to him, but he wants you to turn to others, to let others be there for you, to help you along the path. As I rode back to be with my friend, one of my best friends, there was joy in my heart.

Later that day I went on the same trail with my best friend. We laughed, took goofy pictures, and rode much further than I would have by myself. I did not think about what was going on, but instead just had fun, and got way more out of the ride than I would have by myself.

There are times we need to be alone, but don't let it cause you to shut out others. Remember that God does not want you to do it alone. He wants you to have others in your life, to share in your experiences--good and not so good.

"We were not placed on this earth to walk alone." --Thomas S. Monson

Light and Change

In October 2009, I raced 24 hours of Moab for the first time. I did this race as a team of four. The race is approximately seventeen miles through red rock, sand, deep sand, dirt and triple x downhills. Racing as a team of four is done in relay style trading off as a rider comes in from completing her lap. 

Our team was part of several sub-teams in a very large camp. We were fortunate enough to have a cook, a bike mechanic, a charging station for our lights, and people assisting with keeping track of time, water bottles, and nutrition.

Because of the great support we had in our camp, and the fact I was doing the race as I relay, I did not have the expectation the race would be overly demanding—difficult yes, but nothing that would overly taxing.  I knew I had time between laps to eat, sleep, and prepare to go back out when my turn was up—at least 3 to 3 ½ hours; plenty of time.

The seventeen-mile lap is composed of triple X downhills, which can be dangerous. There is deep sand, which can be taxing, and of course because it is 24 hours you are riding in the dark. Now riding in the dark on a mountain trail can be fairly easy, but riding on red rock is difficult—or can be. There is no well-worn path you can see with your lights, so you have to be diligent in keeping your eyes open for the markings on the red, and hope you are lucky enough to be in a group when you hit the mesa.

What I discovered as I did the race is, I was unable to rest—sleep was difficult, and I got little if any sleep. At night it is freezing cold, between the 20s and 30s. Although it is October, you are in the desert, hence the cold evenings, and warm days. A lot of my time was spent in the kitchen and dining area, because that is where the heat was. We had tents and trailers to sleep in, but for some reason I could not sleep much. Despite having food prepared and cooked for us I struggled to get food down, and by the time I was preparing to go out on my final lap I was gagging and dry heaving when I tried to eat. My body did not understand why I was riding 17 miles, coming in, trying to eat, and then going back out again, and of course not sleeping.

By the time I was supposed to go out and do my final lap, our team was in second place.  But at this point I did not care. I was tired and fatigued. It was beginning to be the early morning hours, and I was exhausted. I no longer felt like racing, instead it became just a ride. A ride I needed to finish. I went out and began to pedal on. All I wanted to do was finish this lap.

At the first of the lap it was dark and difficult to see. At one point one of the pro riders from one of the sub-teams went by and let me know one of the teams I was racing, was going to come up and pass me. In a flat voice I said “I don’t care.” In my mind I was done, the race was over, and I just needed to find a way to somehow get to the end.

As I rode along it began to get a little bit lighter. The darkness was fading, and I was beginning to be able to see the trail and my surroundings without the use of my lights. Then little by little the sun started to peak through the rocks, and the trees. As I rode up onto the mesa. I saw the sun starting to rise in the horizon, and I began to see it’s direct light. It was so glorious, and beautiful.

And as I proceeded a little further the light began to touch me, and I felt the warmth of the light. As I felt that warmth, I had renewed energy. I started going a little bit more, and riding a little bit faster, and feeling a little bit stronger. As the sun kept rising, I kept getting stronger, and stronger, and going faster, and faster. I could feel the warmth of its rays.

After the mesa I had two big downhills with jumps, and rode through a very large sandpit. I rode as fast as I could through the downs, and actually flew face first in the sand pit. However, this did not discourage me, and I jumped up, and continued on to the trade off point (the finish line). I rode renewed. I hollered happily to my teammates. I had energy once again. I was ready to go. The sun had given me the energy I needed, and then some.

Just like my bike ride, at times, life can be difficult, and we end up trudging along. However, when we turn to Christ, he can change everything for us. Like the light on my bike ride, he is our light in life. He can take away the pain, carry the burdens, and change who we are. He can renew us. In Matthew 11:28-30 it says:

28 ¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Just like my bike ride it is not always going to be easy, and there will be falls, just as when I went face first into the sand pit. But he will be there to help you along, and give you what you need to go forward.

.

Please Do Not Feed the Missionaries Dessert!

Dear Ward Members,

The evening has come, and you are about to have the missionaries over for dinner. You have been anticipating this all day. You love the missionaries coming over. They bring a great spirit, and are full of fun conversation. You have planned and slaved all day to make the perfect meal--or maybe you haven't, and if you are like me you are trying to throw something together at the last minute, because you totally spaced they were coming.

They arrive and it is time to eat. Then you make your first mistake. You put food on their plate. You put A LOT of food on their plate. You know they are busy all day, and they need a good meal, and you are not sure they are getting enough to eat. In fact, you insist they should have seconds when they do finish what is on their plate.

Noooooo, this is wrong. Let them put food on their own plate. They know how much they can eat, and how much they need. If you put it on their plate they are obligated to eat all of it, because they have been told it is rude not to eat everything that has been provided. They do not want to hurt your feelings by not eating everything you have provided them. Hence, they eat everything, and them some. More than they want, and more than they need. Needless to say they end up having a little extra junk in the trunk.

You finish eating, and then it is time for dessert. STOP! Do you have dessert every day? If the
missionaries were not over would you be having dessert? If the answer is no, then DO NOT give them dessert. Honestly, they do not need it. They eat at a ward members home almost every night. So if every ward member gives them dessert they are having dessert almost every night. That is a lot of dessert! That is a lot of extra calories! That is more junk in the trunk.

Now I know you want our missionaries to be well fed, and they will be. You just do not need to go the extra mile piling on the food, or giving them dessert. Let them put the food on their plate, and lose the dessert. It still will be a great meal, and they will leave full and happy.

Sincerely,
A Missionary Mom whose daughter does not want more junk in the trunk.