Beginning to End

Heavenly Father knows the beginning to the end. He has a plan for us, and is involved in the very intricate details of our life.

When I think of God helping us, and having a plan for us I think of the poem Footprints. To summarize a man is looking back on his life, and he sees two sets of footprints in the sand, one is his, and the other is Gods. As he looks he notices during times of struggle there is only one set of footprints. He turns to God and asks him why he left him during his most challenging times, and God replies. "I did not leave you, I carried you."

God is not only with us during the challenging times he is there before the challenging times begin. He has a plan, and he is making sure we are taken care of.

At the beginning of July, I received a phone message from the Sister Missionaries, letting me know I was invited, along with them, to see a my church friend Steve take out his endowments on July 13th. They were wondering if I could give them a ride to the temple. I had a trial scheduled for July 15th, and was worried I would not have time to prepare for trial--typically I spend most of my Saturday in trial prep. I decided I would go, and I would find a way to get everything done earlier in the week so I would only have to work half a day on Saturday.

The Sunday following the Sister Missionaries phone call,  I received a text from them letting me know Steve had decided to go to the Nauvoo temple to take out his endowments, instead of the Winter Headquarters temple. This changed everything. It added an extra three hours to the entire trip. If I took them I would not be able to work on my trial on Saturday. I knew I was supposed to go, so I told them I would take them, and we would go to the pageant too. I gave the caveat if  things needed to change I would let them know by Monday evening. There was no doubt in my mind I would take them. I knew this was what Heavenly Father wanted, so I planned accordingly.

I asked friends and family members to pray my trial would get changed or dismissed. I also asked them to pray I would be able to get everything done I needed. Not only did I have a trial coming up, but I had two hearings, and a deposition--which meant most of my week was eaten up. My plan was to work every night until 11 pm if necessary, so I would not have to worry about prepping for my trial.

On Tuesday as I was finishing up the last preparations for my afternoon deposition I received a phone call from the county prosecutor cancelling the deposition. We then reached an agreement that moved the trial with the charges eventually getting dismissed! My prayers were answered. Now all that was on my plate were the hearings on Wednesday which would not prevent me from taking the Sister Missionaries to Nauvoo. Things were working great.

On Thursday, two days before I was to go to Nauvoo, I received information that brought me great sorrow, and many, many tears. When I was alone the tears came easily. When I was people I was able to ward them off for the most part. But Heavenly Father had a plan.

Friday evening after work I fed the sister missionaries, and then spent the rest of the night making preparations for food to take to Nauvoo. My Saturday began at about 5:00 am. I was with the sister missionaries until 2:30 am the next day. We spent the next 10 hours traveling, singing, going to the temple, and seeing the sights at Nauvoo. I had some very personal spiritual experiences, and felt peace and love from my Heavenly Father. I was not alone, and tears were much less than if I had been.

When I agreed to take the sister missionaries to Nauvoo I thought it was to help them, but it turns out Heavenly Father knew better. He knew the sorrow I was going to be faced with. He knew I needed to be with people, to not be alone, and he put that plan into action in the early part of July, long before the events that brought me sorrow came to fruition. Heavenly Father made sure I was not alone that weekend.

Recently I came across this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Somehow God can focus on every one of us personally, know the concerns and fears of each one of us uniquely. In those times of our need, it is as if no other voice distracts Him, no other need in the universe diverts Him. In those moments when we especially need Him, in times of trouble or otherwise, we are seemingly the sole object of His affection and attention." 

Not only are we the sole object of his affection and attention during times of trouble, he is there prior to those time--he is there always. Each of us are children of our Heavenly Father, and he has a plan for each of us. He knows the beginning to the end, and we just need to have the faith to move forward and trust in that plan. By doing so we will find a love that is incomprehensible.

Bar Exam - Take Two

It’s late Saturday evening and I start to get a runny nose. At first I do not think anything of it, but as the evening progresses into night it gets worse. By the end of the night I can tell I am getting sick. The timing could not be worse. I am a week and two days away from taking the bar exam, and I have one more week of intense study I need to accomplish. I wake up Sunday so sick that all I want to do is sleep. —fatigue, headache, runny nose. I end up missing church Sunday, which kind of freak’s me out. Going to church is my solace, my reprieve from studying, and a spiritual uplifting.

The week turns out to be a struggle. I am sick all week. I end up sleeping, studying, sleeping each day for an entire week. I fall behind in my studying, not too much, but enough to cause me concern. On Sunday I am still sick, but go to church—sick or not I need spiritual nourishment. Later that evening my home teachers come and give me a blessing and anointing. The blessing was exactly what I needed to help clear my mind and get me through the next few days.

When I wake up the next morning my mind is clear, my head does not hurt, and I feel less fatigued. I can actually think and study without sleeping. Although I am still sick, I am able to focus on one last subject before leaving to take the exam. Later that evening I arrive at my hotel room, and my roommate is already there studying. We catch up on life, and review a few concepts. As we talked I shared this scripture with her “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” (John14:26) This scripture means everything to me. It is why I am writing this today. That night shortly before going to bed I had a thought to look up the business judgment rule (BJR). At some point either that night or in the morning I looked it up, and I memorized it. Just a few hours later I ended up needing it.

For two-days I took the worst exam in the world—for a second time. It was gross, there were things I did not know exactly, but knew a little, and some things I did not know at all. One thing I knew for certain was the BJR. While I took the exam, I was still sick. I had to take cough drops, and blow my nose. However, I was not tired (not until it was over), and I had a clear mind. Things were brought to my conscience that amazed me I could recall. It was like the scripture said the holy ghost brought “things to [my] remembrance.”

I left the exam exhausted, and pretty sure I did not pass. In fact, for about a week if you asked me I would have told you I did not pass. However, this is how we lose our faith and become discouraged, when we lose hope. I did a turnabout, and instead just let others know I do not know how I did, but I am hopeful. Next week the results are supposed to come out. I am still not sure what the results will be, but I am hopeful. Hopeful I passed, and hopeful I can practice law in Nebraska soon.

What if I do not pass? I am currently licensed to practice law in Iowa, and will begin looking for a job there. However, I am eligible to work in seventeen other states, and will look jobs in those states as well. I am not going to retake the bar. I am an attorney now, and I can practice law, which is part of my dream being realized. Pass or fail I know that heavenly father helped me that day, I know he guided me, and I know he brought thing to “my remembrance.” If I did not pass, well . . . it just was not meant to be, because he was there with me every step of the way.

Just Keep Swimming

It seems like despite everything going crazy around me, that I keep getting message of hope, to carry forward. All week my login screen was a picture of tropical fish, and in the center it said, "keep on swimming--Dory." It reminded me of the movie and how this small little fish kept going, she kept swimming. Each day I saw this it was a reminder to not give up, to keep on moving. It was the encouragement I need to get through the day.

Although things are not perfect, they are better than last week. I had an interview Wednesday for a law clerk position, and got the job. It's only 15 hours a week, but it will help. In the mean time, I will keep looking, and hopefully something will turn up. The plus side is it will allow me to study for the bar more than I had originally planned. My little family is being watched over.

Last night my fish disappeared, and today on my phone I saw this.

"Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble, but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward." --Dieter F. Uchtdorf (You can do it now)

So today I dust myself off, and keep on swimming.

Not My Will, But Thy Will

 A lot of my focus in life is living the way Christ and Heavenly Father would want me to live. Following the path that they have planned for me, and trusting in the process. This is much easier said than done. Sometimes it can be scary trying to figure out exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing and what direction I need to go. However, when I follow, and I trust in the process I have never been let down.

A great example of this is how I ended up working at Ancestry.com. The housing market had crashed, and unemployment was high—jobs were scarce. I had just become a causality of the times, and lost my job due to downsizing. A job became available at Ancestry.com, but is was in the call center. This job would cut my income by more than half of what I had been earning before. I prayed about the job, and decided to take it not knowing what the future would bring. It was humbling working in a call center, but I knew it was the right place to be. Within less than a year I was promoted out of the call center, and into corporate increasing my wages close to what I had been earning before. During this time, I became a single mom. It turns out by working at ancestry.com I not only had the financial capabilities of providing for my family, but the flexibility. I could go to work early, and leave early if necessary. This turned out to be valuable when it came to being with my daughter. I could attend her school functions, and when she got a severe concussion and had to stay home for a month. I had the opportunity to work from home as I needed. This would have been difficult anywhere else. By trusting in God, and trusting in the process everything turned out for the best.

This brings me today. Having failed the Nebraska bar by less than a point, I wondered what I was to do next. Do I take the bar, or do I try to get licensed in one of the fifteen other states I was eligible to work? Not sure I decided to reach out and do some networking in Iowa, and see what the results would be. I chose Iowa, because it borders where I live, and I would not have to move my daughter her senior year.

The networking paid off, and within a week I found a job forty to fifty minutes away from my home. The way the job became available, I knew this was the right place, and I knew God had put me on the path he intended for now. I quickly sent off my $525, along with my application, to the Iowa bar admissions and began work immediately.

Although I could not practice law immediately. I could be a law clerk while I awaited the approval of my bar application. This allowed me many great opportunities to go to court, draft various documents, and get to know criminal law—not an area I had practice before. However, it did not take long for me to realize that I was not going to be at the job if I had expected. Things were not what they had seemed, or what I had been told. I prayed for guidance, as things began to turn less than optimal. My decision was to begin looking for a new job. The plan was to being looking this weekend. It turned out that my decision was expedited.

On Friday, around noon, my boss told me that he had decided he did not want to grow his firm. He had taken me on to see if he wanted an associate, and decided this was not the direction he wanted to go. My work he said was fine, and I would be an excellent lawyer, but he wanted to keep things small. However, he would be happy to assist me in any way he could in finding a job. That was it. The job was over, and I no longer had an income coming in. In addition, I had just stopped getting food stamps because I was working. Then there was the $525 for a license I would not be using anytime soon. As well as some other expenditures, I had made because I did have a steady income that I had not planned on being cut short. Luckily I got ahold of SNAP, and had my food stamps reinstated. As far as the license, I’m still waiting on the background check, so I cannot work as an attorney now, and thank goodness I applied to retake the bar in February.

I have felt lost throughout this time. I knew that I needed to leave the job. I knew that it was not right for me, but originally it was. But why? What was the purpose heavenly father had in mind? Why did he put me at that job, and then allow it to go away? What am I supposed to do? I feel so lost, and unsure of the direction I am supposed to go. What is it the lord wants me to do?

Then it came to me today as I woke up. Luke 22:42-43, “not my will, but thine, be done.” The thing that I have said throughout my entire law school journey. I would do whatever it is he has planned for me to do. As I read verse 43 the following stood out, an “angel from heaven [will] strengthen [you].” Despite the fact I do not know what to do. Despite the fact I have no idea of the result, I know that heavenly father will be here for me. He will strengthen me, support me, and take me on the best path. Yes, it is scary, yes I feel lost, and yes I am somewhat confused as to where I am supposed to go. But right now, I feel comforted, because I know he will not lead me wrong, and he will be there for me every step of the way.