Not My Will, But Thy Will

 A lot of my focus in life is living the way Christ and Heavenly Father would want me to live. Following the path that they have planned for me, and trusting in the process. This is much easier said than done. Sometimes it can be scary trying to figure out exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing and what direction I need to go. However, when I follow, and I trust in the process I have never been let down.

A great example of this is how I ended up working at Ancestry.com. The housing market had crashed, and unemployment was high—jobs were scarce. I had just become a causality of the times, and lost my job due to downsizing. A job became available at Ancestry.com, but is was in the call center. This job would cut my income by more than half of what I had been earning before. I prayed about the job, and decided to take it not knowing what the future would bring. It was humbling working in a call center, but I knew it was the right place to be. Within less than a year I was promoted out of the call center, and into corporate increasing my wages close to what I had been earning before. During this time, I became a single mom. It turns out by working at ancestry.com I not only had the financial capabilities of providing for my family, but the flexibility. I could go to work early, and leave early if necessary. This turned out to be valuable when it came to being with my daughter. I could attend her school functions, and when she got a severe concussion and had to stay home for a month. I had the opportunity to work from home as I needed. This would have been difficult anywhere else. By trusting in God, and trusting in the process everything turned out for the best.

This brings me today. Having failed the Nebraska bar by less than a point, I wondered what I was to do next. Do I take the bar, or do I try to get licensed in one of the fifteen other states I was eligible to work? Not sure I decided to reach out and do some networking in Iowa, and see what the results would be. I chose Iowa, because it borders where I live, and I would not have to move my daughter her senior year.

The networking paid off, and within a week I found a job forty to fifty minutes away from my home. The way the job became available, I knew this was the right place, and I knew God had put me on the path he intended for now. I quickly sent off my $525, along with my application, to the Iowa bar admissions and began work immediately.

Although I could not practice law immediately. I could be a law clerk while I awaited the approval of my bar application. This allowed me many great opportunities to go to court, draft various documents, and get to know criminal law—not an area I had practice before. However, it did not take long for me to realize that I was not going to be at the job if I had expected. Things were not what they had seemed, or what I had been told. I prayed for guidance, as things began to turn less than optimal. My decision was to begin looking for a new job. The plan was to being looking this weekend. It turned out that my decision was expedited.

On Friday, around noon, my boss told me that he had decided he did not want to grow his firm. He had taken me on to see if he wanted an associate, and decided this was not the direction he wanted to go. My work he said was fine, and I would be an excellent lawyer, but he wanted to keep things small. However, he would be happy to assist me in any way he could in finding a job. That was it. The job was over, and I no longer had an income coming in. In addition, I had just stopped getting food stamps because I was working. Then there was the $525 for a license I would not be using anytime soon. As well as some other expenditures, I had made because I did have a steady income that I had not planned on being cut short. Luckily I got ahold of SNAP, and had my food stamps reinstated. As far as the license, I’m still waiting on the background check, so I cannot work as an attorney now, and thank goodness I applied to retake the bar in February.

I have felt lost throughout this time. I knew that I needed to leave the job. I knew that it was not right for me, but originally it was. But why? What was the purpose heavenly father had in mind? Why did he put me at that job, and then allow it to go away? What am I supposed to do? I feel so lost, and unsure of the direction I am supposed to go. What is it the lord wants me to do?

Then it came to me today as I woke up. Luke 22:42-43, “not my will, but thine, be done.” The thing that I have said throughout my entire law school journey. I would do whatever it is he has planned for me to do. As I read verse 43 the following stood out, an “angel from heaven [will] strengthen [you].” Despite the fact I do not know what to do. Despite the fact I have no idea of the result, I know that heavenly father will be here for me. He will strengthen me, support me, and take me on the best path. Yes, it is scary, yes I feel lost, and yes I am somewhat confused as to where I am supposed to go. But right now, I feel comforted, because I know he will not lead me wrong, and he will be there for me every step of the way.

It Was Not Easy

In 47 days I will graduate from law school. Although it has gone by fast, in some way sit seems so long ago that I started--my first year of school seems like a distant memory. The journey has been a lot harder than I expected. There has been a lot of lost sleep, stress, and lonely times. As a single mom law school can be an isolating an experience. When you are not studying, you are attending your child's activities, and caring for your family. This includes cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and general upkeep of the house, oh and don't forget the carpooling, school events, parent teacher conferences, committees you volunteer on, late nights as your child does their homework, and late nights listening to your child--trying to be a good parent. There have been many times I have jokingly said I would like to have a wife, just so I could have time to do a few of the things I enjoy the most. Law school is about sacrifices, and both my daughter and I have made many sacrifices along the way.

No, it has not been easy. I have had people belittle me, talk about me behind my back. make fun of me, and criticize me in some very malicious ways. It has made for a very hard, lonely road at times. However, along this lonely journey I have come to know some really great people who have helped me along the way. There was the home teacher and his wife that supported and cared for my daughter and I, giving us someone to turn to when we needed it most. The best friend at school who stood by my side during some of the toughest times. The "Angel" who gave my daughter the cutest clothes when she learned my daughter had out grown her clothes, and I had no way to provide her with new ones. The professor who took the extra step of listening, in a week when the whole world seemed to be crushing down, not only listening, but taking action to help. The professor who rallied the staff to stand behind one of their own, a feat I will never forget, Finally, there was the community of lawyers who saw a need and reached out and helped someone they did not know.

Law school has not been easy, in fact it has probably been one of the most difficult things I have done to date. But I would not change a thing. This experience has caused me to grow, to stretch, and become a new person--one I hope that will succeed in helping others. No, it was not easy, but in the long-run it will be worth it.

Push Play

It has been almost 2 years since my last post, and a lot has happened since my accident and since my last post.  In the last 2 years I got a promotion at work, moved to a new home, took almost a year to recover from my bike accident, got a divorce and the biggest update...I was accepted to law school!!

In a week and a half Mandy and I will be moving to Omaha, Nebraska, so I can attend law school.  It is a bitter sweet moment for me.  I am excited about achieving a long desired dream, but I am sad to be leaving a place I love so much.  It is hard to leave the people I have come to love and care for so much.  It is hard to leave the mountains.  I am so lucky to wake up every morning and see the beauty right outside my window.  It is hard to leave a place I know so well and feel so comfortable.

However, with all the difficulties and the sadness of leaving I am on to a new adventure.  And that is the reason for updating my blog.  The best way to let everyone know about my new adventures I will be taking on will be through my blog.  So have fun reading and keep in touch.  It's time to push 'Play' on this blog!