Does it Need to Be Inevitable?

Yesterday, I went for a mountain bike ride for the first time in Iowa. The trail was fun, flowy and fast. It intertwined with other trails making it difficult for me to know where I was going or how to get back to my car. Eventually after a third conversation with some mountain bikers I was pointed in the right direction and heading back on a fun downhill towards my car.

Being a new trail, I wasn’t screaming down the trail, but I was going fairly fast. As flew down the trail I came to what appeared to be a regular turn—it wasn’t.  Just as I got to the top of the turn, I saw three large root drops through the entire turn. There is that moment in mountain biking when you know you are going to crash, and there is nothing you can do but hope it turns out well, and not horribly bad. This was one of those moments. I slowed down as much as possible and went in to the turn very haphazardly. I almost made it, but then I got bucked from my bike spilling over the top tube, and part of my handle bars off to the side. I started to put my hands out to catch me, and realized that was not a good idea, so luckily, I buckled them as I went to the ground. I ended up landing on both knees.  

Down on the ground I pause for a moment assessing just how bad I was hurt. I rolled over and sat feeling pain surging through my knees and my body. I knew the injuries from this crash were going to stay with me for a while.

I gingerly got on my bike, and continued on down the trail eventually making it to my car. The pain was real, and there was a lot of wincing as I drove home. My obvious injuries, the ones you could see, were to my knees and legs—scrapes, swelling and bruises. Although these injuries hurt, and cause me to wince; what hurts the most is what you can’t see. Somehow the entire right side of my body took the brunt of the accident. My shoulder, ribs and neck also got injured. You can’t see the injury, but I can feel it. I can hardly lift my arm, it hurts to laugh, quick movements are not possible, and looking up or turning my head is painful. Sleeping last night was somewhat a struggle due to the pain.

Last night as I perused Facebook, I noticed several posts regarding suicide. It brought up past memories I prefer to leave in the past, but as I saw some of the posts, I realized perhaps sharing my experience maybe would help others.

A week after my birthday, and two weeks before I had my first child my mom took her life. We were not close, but it affected me and tore me apart for a period of time. She did not do it in the manner most women take their life. No, she got a gun and killed herself. The day she killed herself she called and talked to me on the phone. To my knowledge I am the only person she talked to before she took her life. I had no idea of what she was planning, but I often wondered if I could have done or said something different in that conversation that would have changed her mind. I know now there was nothing I could have done or said at that time. Sometimes we cannot stop what for another seems to be the inevitable. But we can hopefully make a difference or provide them with hope so maybe it will not be the inevitable action they need to take.

Today, when you look at me, you can see the scrapes, the bruises, and the marks from my mountain bike ride. What you cannot see is what is causing the most pain. Those injuries are deep, those injuries hurt the most, and kept me up most of the night. With time the pain will dissipate, and I will be hundred percent, but it will take me caring for myself, and if necessary, applying or getting the right treatment for my injuries.

Emotional injuries are not much different. A person can look fine from the outside and be deep in pain on the inside. Just like with the physical injuries from my mountain bike accident emotional pain needs to be treated. We cannot stop the pain of another, but we can help. It does not need to be great actions. It can be a simple smile, a “how is your day”, a phone call, a text, just taking a pause to notice that person, to let them know you know they exist, a simple “hi”.  Just in the case of my mom, or my crash, you may not be able to stop the inevitable, but maybe, just maybe you can detain it so they can get the help to make the pain dissipate and go away.

Barbara Jean Griffey Hook 

November 1, 1938 - June 20, 1990

Happy Mother's Day to My Second Mom

I lost my mom over twenty years ago.  There is nothing worse than losing a parent.  They are the ones who love you, teach you and are there for you to lean on.  I felt so lost and alone when my mom died.  I was pregnant and just about to have my first child.  I was embarking on an unknown world and did not have anyone there to help me.  Then along came Lynda.  She took my phone calls, with questions about “is this normal” in the pregnancy.  She traveled a couple of hours to the hospital after I had my baby, she was there for me.  Her being there for me didn’t end there.  As the years passed, it became more than simple phone calls.  It became a shoulder to cry on as I struggled through an abusive marriage, a crashing economy, and a child with a mental illness.  The cheerleader as I took on new life adventures.  She gave me a home to stay in when I became a single mom with a baby, $1,000 and nowhere to go.  She helped me through times when no one else was there.  She became my mom.

Thank you Lynda, for being my mom.  Thank you for loving me, caring for me and being the person I can turn to.  Happy Mother’s Day.  I love you.

First Ski Day

The last time I went skiing was 16 years ago.  I was new to skiing then and only had the opportunity to go twice.  So when a friend told me about the great program they had at Park City I jumped at the chance for Mandy and I to go and learn to ski.

The instructors were great and I felt soooooo comfortable skiing.  I couldn't believe how quickly I learned to go down the hill.  Last time I remember skiing I distintcly remember the hills being very, very scare.  I can't wait to go back and learn more and get better so I can ski other slopes.

Best part of the day.  As I was practicing turns behind my instructor, a little girl in a bright pink coat whizzed right past me.  So cool to see my daughter burning down the hill with no fear.

Getting ready to go out for lessons.

 Posing as she comes down the run.

Unplugged

I have been so busy I haven't had much time to blog or even be online.  Here are just a few of the things that have kept me busy.

Painting Christmas Decorations

 Bringing in the New Year!

 New Years Day Snow Shoeing in 9 degree weather!

 Ladies Day Cross Country Skiing at Sundance.

 Snow Shoeing, Snow Shoeing and Snow Shoeing.

 Ooops with some sledding thrown in too.

 And a little bit of cross country skiing thrown into the mix.

It has been a fun busy time.  So no promises that I will keep current on the blogging, but I will sure try.

Two First Days of School

Mandy started school like almost everyone else in the area on Wednesday.

Happy first day.

Then we found out they had an opening in a charter school we had been considering getting her into.  We took her there, toured the school and then enrolled.  She was nervous about starting a new school, and was not thrilled about about wearing a uniform.  After her 2nd first day of school the uniform was fine.  She had a great time and now she has 2 firt day of school pics!

Cute 2nd day pic.

No Vacation

We were supposed to go on vacation to Sun Valley last Thursday, but stuff came up and we didn't get to go.  So we made the best of the situtation and had a semi vacation at home.  We went to the movies, hung out and best of all went riding in our own back yard. 

Day 1 was Snow Basin, Royce didn't come because he ended up working.  But Day 2 he was up and ready to ride some of the Ridge Trail.  I have to admire Royce's courage to attempt the rides I had planned for him, because he is a beginner.  Normally I wouldn't take a beginner on these rides, but he is having surgery on his neck soon and will be incapaciated for several weeks, so it only makes sense to go on some cool rides.

We rode the ridge trail starting at Cascade.  I figured this would give an easy start and end on a good note.  Aside for the many flies and bites the ride was great.  The flowers are still out and look amazing.

Day 3 was Sunday, so we spent it like we normally do.  The final day of our vacation, day 4, we rode Wastach Crest and went on a community group ride.  I told Royce after "puke hill" there was hardly any climbing, and it was down hill all the way.  You know it's not until you ride with someone who hasn't ridden much you begin to realize your descriptions are far from correct.  We hit the top, and there was a little bit more climbing.  We went down for a short time and then there was a small stretch of climbing.  Royce was a good sport about the description of the trail being slightly skewed.  After we got done he liked it despite the fact there was more climbing than I described.  Oh well, at least he had a good time.

I got to lead the community group ride this evening.  I guess the memo did not go out there was a ride.  The only ones that showed up was my family and Mandy's friend.  Too bad no one else came.  The conditions were perfect.

So vacation is over and it's back to work tomorrow.  So glad we live in a place where we can ride in our back yard every day of the week.

Fun Filled Days

Saturday June 12 - Deer Valley I-Cup

Went to the race in the pouring rain.  On the way up we saw the tail end of the Provo 1/2 marathoners (Heather was too fast, so I didn't see her), and the Provo full marathoners.  I kept talking about how miserable they must be running in the cold and I couldn't believe they were racing in such miserable weather.  Then lI realized we were going up to ride in the same miserable weather.  Oh the irony.

Random pics of people I don't know running in the rain.

The race was cancelled and resheduled for Wednesday.  On the way back the rain stopped, and the view was beautiful.

Midway mountain scenery.

Once I got home.  I went with the family to movies to see A-Team.  The show was fun worth going to. 

Then I decided to ride Squaw Peak.  For some reason this ride was especially painful, and I mean that in every sense of the word.  I actually had to stop where it says 3 3/4 on the road for a minute to let the pain leave my legs.  This is the first time I have had to stop because I hurt riding Squaw Peak.  By the time I got to the top I felt like I was pushing with everything I had.  Somehow I don't remember the end of climb being so steep.  I think pain has a lot to do with the perception of steepness.

In some ways it was a little discouraging because I had to ride in my small gears to get to the top and because it was such a struggle.  In other ways it was great, because now I have a guage and new goal to accomplish by the end of the summer.  Sometimes reality can be harsh, but at least you know what to prepare for.

Pic I took while riding up.

Love the view.

The ride down was very cold.  Another storm had crept up while I was going up, so I went up with a head wind, and down with a head wind.  I was shivering cold by the time I got to the bottom.  Just as I got to the bottom I heard a clinking noise.  I crossed the road, and discovered I had a flat tire!  I am sure hoping I was climbing with low tire pressure, then maybe the next ride won't be so painful.  I didn't want to change a skinny tire while I was so cold, so I called my husband and he met me at Timpanogous Park.  What a great guy to come and rescue me from the cold and changing a tire.

Sunday June 13 - My Birthday

Had a great birthday.  The family surprised me with great gifts, we had pizza and cheese cake and lots of fun.

My cake topper my husband didn't dare put on the cake.  Isn't it cool.  It played Happy Birthday.

Cute Octapus balloon bouquet.

Monday June 14th - AF Canyon

I finally got to ride AF Canyon.  I met up with Steve and we went to see how far we could ride before the trails were unrideable.  The trails were great except for Pine Hollow, so we only rode up to the look out and back.  I love this trail--hopefully next week the trails will be in good condition and I will have time to do the entire loop.

This view never gets old.

The patch spot below is where Pine Hollow & Salamander Flats intersect.  I can't believe how high up we are.

On the way down the canyon I came upon a rider on a road bike.  Not unusual when you ride in this canyon, what was unusual the rider was riding right by the double yellow line.  I could not pass--granted it was a double yellow, but if he had moved over to the side I could have slowly gone around him.  But he didn't. 

When we got to Timp Cave parking lot I thought for sure he would pull over.  Lots of room, but no he stayed right by the yellow line!  I had to ride behind him almost to the guard shack because he would not ease over.  I have to say I was a bit frustrated by this.

The other unusual thing--jeans.  I cannot imagine how painful it must be to ride up AF Canyon and down in jeans, but that's what he did.

Right by the yellow lines.

Proof of the jeans--I wasn't making it up.

Tuesday June 15th - Recovery Ride

Went for an easy ride today with my husband up to the Provo Trail.  On the way I got a flat tire, fixed it and we continued on our way up.  On the way back I got another flat tire, tried to pump it up, but it didn't work.  I did not have another tube, so my husband rode home while I waited for him come back with the car.  The entire time I waited riders went by, but only one asked if I needed help.  I always ask if someone needs help.  One guy actually went so far as to look the other direction like he didn't see me with my flat.  Glad my husband could come to the rescue again, otherwise I would have been stranded for quite some time.  Three flat tires in less than a week.  I think I may need to get new tires.

I believe this is the universal sign for a flat.

Happy 50th Birthday

My cute guy had his 50th birthday this week. We have had a lot of fun teasing him about hitting the big 5 0.

I tried to make the icing black...oh well.

He got to drive all over town with this on his car.

He didn't see this tell he took Mandy to soccer.

I think the black balloons were a nice touch.

Draper Pre-Ride 1 & 2

Ride 1

I went with Jolene Wednesday to pre-ride the Draper race course.  I was very tired from my "I feel great" ride the day before, but luckily Jolene was okay with going slow.  By slow I mean the pass me like I am standing still slow. 

The ride was a lot of fun.  The first lap I was a little unsure about the course, there was a weird pit like place I wasn't sure about riding, but once I got through it was fine.  There was a quick steep that I have to go up fast but luckily I can recover at the top.  I know you shouldn't, but really I will have to.  And there was a downhill section that was bumpy, and I didn't flow for me very well.  But once I did a 2nd lap it rocked.  On the bumpy downhill I unlocked my suspension and wow it just flowed--amazing how something can change once you have ridden it.
The pit thingy.

Jolene coming up the steep up.

Ride 2

Decided to go ride the 12 and under course with Mandy today.  We made it a family ride with Royce and Shandy joining us.  Riding with Mandy is always event, and today was no different.  I had to force her to come and ride the course.  Yes, I made her ride, but she doesn't need to be on the computer, watching tv or playing on her dad's ipod--she does this entirely way too much.  A ride is good for her.

Our ride started out with the typical "don't talk to me mom, you are messing me up".  I am sure if I wasn't talking I would mess her up somehow, but luckily she can blame it on me talking and not something else.  We rode up to the 12 year old turn off to the downhill, but instead of going down we went up and continued up the course.  Mandy did awesome and rode the entire time (no bike pushing).  It's amazing when I tell her something might be too hard for her she is able to do it.  I think if I told her it was easy she would push her bike to prove me wrong--she is so at the mom you are always wrong stage...ugh.

We rode up the service road to the last downhill section of the course, the first cross intersection of the race.  We took it down and Mandy rocked the single track, although the second swtichback according to her she "almost died" because she came close to the edge--oh the drama.  According to her I should have been a more caring mother, because she almost died.  I guess I will work on that.

During this whole time Shandy and Royce were behind us.  Royce was helping Shandy as she is just starting to learn to ride her bike.  She did great for being new to single track.  I need to get her on some Ride Like a Girl rides.

We ended the ride with Mandy chicking a bunch of boys a few years older than her.  After the tunnel we went up the little steep hill to the parking lot.  The boys kept practicing going up, but could never make it up.  Mandy made it up her first try!!!  The best part after she made it, the boys went back down and tried to make it again.  Nothing like having a girl show you how it's done.

Mandy sticking out her tongue showing how she feels about being on a ride.

Shandy learning to get the hang of riding a bike.

Royce covering the back end.