Pride

I haven't written forever, and was going to write about my trip this last weekend, and I will, but I wanted to write about today.

Today I rode by bike to work (for those who didn't know I got a new job and it is close to home--yeah!  Also, yeah for the new job, I really like it.).  According to Coach Dan I am supposed to keep my heart rate down on these rides.  In the morning this is not hard, I am tired and really don't need to arrive at work sweating and hot.  Going home is a whole different story.

Riding home I just want to pound the pedals.  I have been in an office all day long and need to just ride hard.  There is something that feels so good when you ride hard.  Going home I ride up 2 small hills, and one long, steep hill.  It takes all the self control I have to gear down and spin up these hills.  I know this may seem crazy, but it takes everything I have to not go up as fast as I can and as hard as I can.  I would say I am somewhat prideful.  I know I can make it up these hills in my large and middle cog, and I want to do it in these hard gears.  Part of it is because I like making it hard and I can, the other is what if someone were to pass me!  I hate being passed!

In the past I have allowed this thinking to mess up my recovery rides.  Someone rides by and begins to pass, and I just can't take it.  I let them go, and then eventually I have to hit into high gear, catch them and pass them back, and then not let them pass me back.  Sometimes I am too horribly competive, or perhaps insecure--who knows.

However, this year I am not going to let that happen.  I am going to be secure in my riding, recovery days are recovery and anyone can pass....now if I can just get my mental state to be as secure.